Women’s Networking, or How to Make Connections When You Are Not Invited to “Men’s Clubs”

I have noticed many times that men build careers not only through work itself, but also through the spaces around it. Golf, yachting, private clubs, sports communities, conferences, business breakfasts, informal dinners after negotiations — all of this works as a separate social infrastructure. People meet there, observe one another, recommend one another, invite one another into projects, discuss opportunities, and remember “their own.”

It is harder for women to enter such spaces, and “women’s spaces” comparable to men’s ones do not really exist in any meaningful way. This, by the way, is one of the reasons why I founded the WE Council organization and hold the annual international WE Convention meetings — this is exactly the kind of place created by women for women, so that they can build useful connections and help one another, just as men have done since time immemorial. But, of course, I also understand that meeting once a year is not enough. At least not if you want to actively build your career on ordinary days as well. So what should you do in that case? Wait until you are invited into someone else’s club? Try to become “one of the guys” in a male company? Pretend that connections do not matter and professionalism will solve everything by itself? The last option is very dangerous. Because professionalism really does matter, but it often grows faster when people see it, remember it, recommend it, and invite it into places where new opportunities appear.

I am convinced that women do not need to copy men’s networking one-to-one. We need to build our own system of influence, based on mutual support and on working with our deeper beliefs.

Stop thinking that networking means “pushing yourself onto people”

For many women, the word “networking” causes almost physical rejection. You immediately picture a person with a forced smile who approaches everyone in sight, hands out business cards, talks only about themselves, and tries in five minutes to sell either themselves, their business, or a course on personal efficiency. I understand. I do not like that kind of networking either, because that is not normal networking.

Normal networking does not mean using people as a ladder. It is the ability to make sure the right people understand who you are, what you do, what your strengths are, and how you can be useful. If no one knows you, no one will be able to recommend you. If a person does not understand what you do, they will not think of you when a suitable opportunity comes up. If you stay silent about your projects, you will remain a ghost to the market. That is the essence of networking — finally becoming visible.

Women are often held back precisely by cultivated awkwardness. After a meeting, a man calmly says, “I work in this area, I am looking for this, I can be useful here,” while a woman with the same experience stands beside him and says, “Well, I’m just working on one small area for now.” Forgive me, but that is exactly how people will remember you: as someone who is “working on something small and unnecessary.”

What to do:

replace the goal “I need to be liked” with “I need to be understood”;
prepare a short story about yourself: who you are, what you do, where you are developing now — literally 3–4 sentences are already enough;
however, do not start the acquaintance with that, but with simple human interest;
after the meeting, be sure to send the person a short message reminding them of yourself while they still remember the conversation;
do not wait for a “special occasion” to maintain contact — sometimes it is enough to send a useful link, congratulate them on a launch, or offer an idea.

Use weak ties

Women usually invest well in their close circle: family, friends, a few trusted colleagues. This is truly a huge value, especially in a world where everyone is constantly rushing somewhere. But if we are talking about career, business, and opportunities, your close circle is not enough. It can support you emotionally, but it will not open a new door.

Opportunities very often come through weak ties. A former colleague you have not spoken to for two years. A woman from a course with whom you once did a joint project. A manager from a neighboring department. A friend of a friend. A client with whom you once parted on good terms. A woman you spoke to after a lecture and exchanged contacts with. Such people do not necessarily know your whole life, but they are in other circles where vacancies, projects, partnerships, clients, and recommendations may appear. Through them, you can enter new companies, industries, and entire communities.

What to do:

once a week, write to one person from your “old circle”: a former colleague, client, classmate, or acquaintance from a course;
do not write an empty “how are you?” — specifics are better: “I am now developing area X and thought of you because…”;
keep a simple list of contacts with whom it is worth staying in touch;
do not devalue people you have spoken to “only once”;
after events, add people on LinkedIn or social media with a short reminder of where you met.

Create your own “women’s clubs” if you are not invited into others

For centuries, men built connections through clubs, sports, university fraternities, closed events, business associations, bathhouse evenings, hunting, yachting, and other formats intended for leisure. It is precisely there that the most profitable partnerships are still often born, because it is much easier to agree on something when you already share some basic interests, and because these clubs have historically been surrounded by an aura of “chosen status.” If you belong to one, it means you are someone worth working with.

For women, things have been different. As alternatives to such “clubs,” they were always offered only the home, family, parent chats, charity, reading circles, gardening, or sewing. And while something may possibly grow out of the latter, hardly anything will grow out of a chat discussing a child’s homework. I believe it is time for women to stop waiting for an invitation into the right room and start creating their own! You do not need an expensive club, leather armchairs, or a hall with a panoramic view for this. A club begins with regularity, trust, and a common goal. Five women from your field who meet once a month and discuss projects, money, clients, vacancies, difficulties, and opportunities — that is already a network. A small breakfast for women entrepreneurs is a network. A chat of graduates from a strong program is also a network.

The main thing is that such a meeting should not turn only into a conversation about “how tired we all are.” Support is important; I am the first to vote for it everywhere. But if you want to build influence, support must stand next to action: who can help whom, who should be introduced to whom, where there is a vacancy, who needs a contractor, who is looking for an expert, who is ready to speak, who can give a recommendation, who knows an investor, who has entered a new market.

What to do:

gather 5–7 women from your field and suggest meeting once a month;
agree on a format: each person brings one request, one useful contact, one opportunity, or one insight;
do not turn the meeting only into emotional support — after it, the next practical step should be clear;
invite new participants through recommendations;
record agreements: who will introduce whom, who will send what, who will help whom.

Go where there is money, decision-making, and growth

Women often choose events where it feels pleasant, beautiful, and emotionally safe. I am not against such events. Sometimes we really do need a place where we can exhale and remember that we are not a work machine in a skirt. But if you want career growth, clients, investments, partnerships, and new opportunities, inspiration alone is not enough.

You need to go where, at first, you will not feel very comfortable. To an industry conference, an entrepreneurs’ breakfast, a tech meetup, a presentation of a new blockchain. Even if there are many terms you do not know, endless conversations about taxes, and only men around. If a comfortable environment helps you recover, a growth environment makes you nervous. And that is normal. If you come to an event and feel slightly “not at your level,” it means you have found your ground for growth. The point is not to immediately shine and gather a crowd around you. You simply need to show up, look around, talk to two or three people, understand the rules of the space, and come back there again later, already better prepared and now a little more “one of them.” Repeated presence is often more important than one impressive first appearance.

What to do:

choose at least one event a month not “for the mood,” but for professional benefit;
look at the list of speakers, companies, and participants in advance;
prepare two or three questions before the meeting so you do not stand by the wall with a glass looking like “I’m just here to watch”;
after the event, write to those with whom you had a useful conversation;
go regularly: trust appears not from one impressive acquaintance, but from steady presence.

Learn to talk about yourself

Networking often breaks down at the moment of self-presentation. A woman may be a strong specialist, manage projects, bring in clients, pull through difficult negotiations, and then, when asked “What do you do?” suddenly answer: “Well, I’m just helping with marketing for now,” or “Nothing special, I’m only just starting.” And that is it. The person opposite has already received the signal that you do not represent value, because you do not see it yourself.

A person should immediately understand who you are. What tasks you solve. What your strength is. What projects interest you. Whom it would be useful for you to meet right now. If this formula is missing, even a good conversation will remain just a pleasant social chat that means nothing. I always advise women to remove from their self-presentation the words that shrink them: “just,” “for now,” “a little,” “probably,” “I’m not an expert, but…,” “it’s not that serious.” If you yourself put a discount on your work in advance, do not be surprised when the market gladly uses it.

What to do:

prepare a short self-presentation for 20–30 seconds;
remove the words “just,” “for now,” “probably,” “I don’t know how interesting this is”;
speak through value: “I help companies…,” “I develop…,” “I launch…,” “I am responsible for…”;
name specifics: field, result, type of clients, project, direction;
formulate in advance what kinds of connections you need right now.

For example: “I develop educational products for women who want to grow in their careers and businesses. Right now, I am especially interested in partnerships with HR communities and companies working with women’s leadership.” Or this: “I work in operations management for small businesses: I help owners bring order to processes, tasks, and teams so that the company stops relying solely on their personal heroism.” See the difference?

Do not turn networking into hunting for “useful people”

Here it is important not to go too far in the other direction. Networking should not turn into a cold-blooded hunt. Obvious mercantilism immediately hits the nose like an unpleasant smell and pushes people away. You have probably met people like that: they look not at you, but as if through you, immediately evaluating whether you are “useful” enough and what you can give them.

Good networking is built on exchange: sometimes you give something, sometimes something is given to you, and it is always mutual and not without elements of friendly relationships. It is very important that you also do not turn into an endless “giver,” and that your network does not become a charity department named after you. You should be useful in moderation and play as if you were playing tennis: the ball is on your partner’s side, then on yours, then back with your partner again.

What to do:

before asking, think about how you yourself can be useful;
if you help, set boundaries: advice, a contact, 20 minutes, but not three days of unpaid work;
do not be afraid to introduce people to each other; this can bring you unexpected double benefit;
do not be afraid to come back later with a request to those whom you have already helped;
track relationships where you are always giving but never receiving, and remove them from your networking.

And one last thing: remember people not only when you urgently need a job, a client, an investor, a recommendation, or a lifeline. Your network of contacts should be long-term and maintained even in calm periods. Invite people for coffee for no particular reason, congratulate them on birthdays and new projects, leave comments under their posts on social media. I always advise treating professional relationships like a garden. If you remember it only during a drought, you should not expect a good harvest.

Also divide your contacts into several circles:

close professional circle — former colleagues, managers, clients, partners;
weak ties — people from courses, conferences, neighboring departments, old projects;
new spaces — clubs, communities, associations, events you want to enter;
women’s growth circle — women with whom you can discuss money, projects, career, and opportunities without having to pretend to be made of steel;
people one level above — those who already have experience, scale, or access to the environment you want to enter.

Then set yourself a simple norm: one contact per week, one event per month, one useful gesture for your network, one conversation about opportunities. In six months, this will already be your personal professional ecosystem. And believe me, after that you will stop envying men, and you will no longer need any of their “private clubs” with leather armchairs and a “members only” sign!