Why Good Girls Rarely Become Rich

“What a good girl!” — surely each of you has heard this “compliment,” at least in childhood. And it really does sound pleasant, but only until you start thinking: what exactly is a good girl? If you try to define her, you get roughly this set of qualities: she does not argue, does not ask for too much, does not interrupt, does not seem greedy, helps, tolerates, takes other people’s circumstances into account, is grateful for any opportunity, and tries very hard not to offend or disappoint anyone. In childhood, all of this seems to make sense: it is easier for parents to raise you, easier for school to maintain order, easier for adults to praise a convenient child. In adult life, it suddenly turns out that “being a good girl” costs you quite a lot of money.

And this is not only about personal stories. Look at the lists of the richest people in the world — women are still few and far between there. According to Forbes data for 2025, out of 3,028 billionaires in the world, only 406 were women, meaning just 13.4% of the list. Moreover, among the richest women on the planet, many fortunes are connected to inheritance or family businesses. Yes, self-made women billionaires exist, and their number is growing, but the fact remains unpleasant: at the very top of global wealth, there are significantly fewer women than men, and even fewer women with fortunes they created themselves.

At the bottom of the financial pyramid, the situation also speaks for itself. According to Forbes Woman, by 2033, 416 million women and 401 million men will be living in extreme poverty. The World Bank confirmed back in 2018 that for every 100 men aged 25–34 living in poor households, there are 122 women in the same conditions. And in Russia, according to a study by the Russian Academy of Sciences, women made up about two thirds of those who were “income poor” and “chronically poor.” In other words, women are simultaneously less likely to be among the ultra-rich and more likely to fall into financial vulnerability. This is no longer a collection of separate “unfortunate destinies,” but a systemic problem.

Why does this happen? Of course, it is not only about personality. The gender pay gap is not a myth. Unpaid domestic work is not a myth. The damage that maternity breaks do to careers is not a myth. Gender stereotypes, the division of professions into “female” and “male,” the fear of asking, the habit of being convenient, distrust toward female ambition — none of this is a myth either. All of this adds up to a real global problem, which Lois Frankel formulated very precisely in the book Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich: “Money is power. And little girls are not taught to be powerful, they are taught to be nice.”

I have learned from personal experience that this is true. A woman can be talented, hardworking, educated, incredibly responsible — and at the same time spend years reducing her own income because she feels awkward asking, is afraid to argue, feels uncomfortable naming her price, and is ashamed of wanting more. That is why I have singled out several specific female beliefs that get in the way the most, and I suggest — no, I urge you — to get rid of them as soon as possible.

“Money can’t buy happiness”

Girls are often taught that true happiness lies in love, family, children, harmony, kindness, and mutual respect. Admit it: boys are much more often told about achievements, career, earnings, status, and property. From childhood, he hears the phrase, “First you need to get on your feet!”, while a girl hears almost anything except that. Guess who then climbs the career ladder very quickly and becomes the boss.

Money really will not buy you love, talent, health, or guaranteed joy every morning. But it buys safety, medical treatment, education, housing, the ability to leave unsatisfactory relationships easily; a nanny who can take some of the care work off your shoulders and save you from a nervous breakdown; a lawyer who can help defend your rights; a better school for your child, which becomes an investment in their better future; and, finally, the ability to travel, the ability not to agree to “the first thing that comes along,” and the ability to be yourself.

The main problem is that the belief “You can’t buy happiness” makes women agree to many things that men would never agree to. According to the UN, women and girls aged 15 and older spend 17.9% of their time on unpaid care and domestic work, while men and boys spend 8.1%. On average, women spend 4.4 hours a day on such work, while men spend 1.4 hours. In other words, while women work for free because “money is not the main thing,” men think differently, act differently — and succeed.

What to do:

stop opposing money and “true values,” because they do not conflict with each other; on the contrary, they complement each other;
honestly write down what money gives you personally: the education of your dreams, a sense of safety, travel, better healthcare for you and your loved ones, etc.;
replace the phrase “money is not the main thing” with a more mature one: “money is not the only important thing, but without it many important things become inaccessible”;
count not only your income, but also the unpaid work you do every day, because ;
do not be ashamed of wanting to live better, because everyone wants that, and without it humanity would not develop.

“You need to be grateful for what you have”

Gratitude in itself is a wonderful thing. It helps you not devalue the good things, notice support, and avoid living in eternal self-criticism and the race for an unattainable ideal. But for “good girls,” gratitude often turns into a financial muzzle. You were given a job — be happy. You were taken onto a project — do not be difficult. You were paid at least something — say thank you. You were offered “prospects” instead of money — do not be mercenary!

This belief is especially dangerous in a career. A woman may tolerate a low salary for years because “they gave me a chance.” She may not object to overtime because “the company believed in me.” She may do extra work for free because “at least it’s experience.” But if an opportunity does not give you money, growth, contacts, a strong case, reputation, or access to the next level, then it is no longer an opportunity, but exploitation of limitations disguised as a favor.

What to do:

before agreeing, ask yourself: what real benefits am I getting from this, and what am I losing?
evaluate the offer not only by emotion, but also by the following criteria: money, experience, connections, status, portfolio, future opportunities;
do not answer immediately, so you can give yourself time to overcome the reflex of “I need to be grateful”;
put agreements in writing;
if you are promised “later,” clarify: when, under what conditions, in what amount, and in what role. There must always be specifics!

“It’s shameful to ask; it’s a sign of impatience”

In childhood, a good girl is often told that asking is unbecoming. You need to wait until you are offered something — or better yet, earn it. And then this girl grows up and, for some reason, does not ask for a salary raise, does not discuss bonuses, does not name a fair fee, does not ask about revising conditions, and hopes that the labor market will somehow guess how wonderful she is.

This belief differs from “you need to be grateful” because here the woman does not even get as far as the conversation. She stops herself at the door in advance. It seems to her that asking will ruin the impression, while waiting, on the contrary, will demonstrate her maturity and professional approach. But here is the thing: a manager is not required to wake up in the middle of the night thinking, “Maybe I should give Natalie a raise? She has been waiting for it for so long.” People do not read your thoughts, and they do not even think about you until you start speaking about yourself.

What to do:

treat conversations about salary, partnerships, and conditions precisely as business conversations, not as requests;
bring not “I feel like I deserve it,” but results, numbers, contribution, and market data;
ask specifically: for an amount, a position, a workload review, a bonus, conditions;
under no circumstances start with apologies and long justifications;
rehearse your wording in advance: “I would like to discuss a compensation review,” “My contribution over the past six months has changed, so I suggest we update the terms,” “For this volume of work, my fee is…”

“Sooner or later, everyone in this world gets what they deserve”

It would be very convenient if that were really true, wouldn’t it? Then injustice would not exist in the world. Those who worked well would be noticed; those who tried hard would be promoted; those who were honest would be rewarded; those who received more must have deserved it. In a children’s fairy tale, this logic is needed to teach a child cause and effect, but in the office, in business, and in negotiations, things do not work that way.

The worst thing is that this belief hits a woman from two sides at once: not only does she sit quietly and wait for a reward for her effort, she also easily gives way when someone else gets more, saying: “Well, that means he was better,” “that means he needed it more,” “that means I haven’t grown enough yet.”

What to do:

create a document called “my results” and update it at least once a month;
record not only tasks, but also outcomes: money, deadlines, clients, processes, savings, growth;
once a quarter, discuss the next step in your career with your manager;
do not treat someone else’s promotion as proof of your own inadequacy;
replace waiting for justice with action: a conversation, an application, a response, negotiations, a new role, your own project.

The habit of saving everyone

Girls are often raised through compassion and care. Help, give in, take the other person’s situation into account, be kinder, do not abandon someone in trouble. In itself, this is a wonderful quality, I agree. But when the girl grows up… You probably know what happens. In relationships, a woman may choose people who need to be healed, rescued, tolerated, and “unlocked.” At work, she may help colleagues for free, cover other people’s deadlines, make other people’s presentations, pick up other people’s mistakes, and work not for her own career, but for someone else’s.

People very often and very willingly take advantage of this. You may hear: “Only you can help,” “We won’t manage without you,” “You understand the situation.” And you really do understand. And then you discover that your own task is standing still, the promotion went to the person whose work you were covering, and you have no resources left for anything of your own. You are human capital that, in the end, is leaking somewhere it should not.

What to do:

ask yourself: do I really want to help, or am I simply afraid to say no?
limit help by time: “I can advise you for 20 minutes, but I cannot take this on”;
do not do for free what is your professional service;
do not save adults from the consequences of their own decisions;
check every time: does this help serve my goals, or only someone else’s peace of mind?

“That’s not feminine”

This belief can sound different in different forms: “IT is not women’s work,” “there are too many men in engineering,” “using a tough management style is a man’s thing,” “big money ruins a woman,” “you will feel uncomfortable in aviation/construction/artificial intelligence,” “a woman is better suited to something involving people, beauty, children, care,” and so on, endlessly. It is as if no one directly forbids anything; they simply gently push you in a more “appropriate” direction. And then a woman does not take a technical course, does not volunteer to lead a project, does not look toward a more profitable niche, and avoids things because she evaluates everything around her by the principle of whether it is “for women” or not.

Research does indeed show that the problem of gender segregation by niche is often not about ability. For example, a study on the STEM path after a calculus course showed that women were 1.5 times more likely than men to leave the STEM track after Calculus I, and the authors linked this not to weaker mathematical preparation, but to lower confidence in their mathematical abilities.

What to do:

check separately: am I really not interested in this field, or was I frightened in advance by its “male” image?
look at the profitability of the niche, not its gender composition;
look for female role models in the fields you are afraid to enter;
try entering through a small step: a course, an internship, a project, a consultation, a professional community;
later, do not confuse the discomfort of being a beginner with proof that “this is not for me.”

A rich woman can also be kind, warm, generous, family-oriented, gentle, beautiful, and loving. She simply no longer builds her financial life around the fear of seeming bad. She asks, calculates, chooses, refuses, talks about her results, enters profitable fields, does not wait for a reward for silent effort, and does not turn modesty into a religion. At some point, you have to admit a simple thing: being good for everyone and being financially free are different life strategies. And if you choose the second one, you can start with one phrase: “I want more — and I have the right to it.”